“milk”

I started using sign language with Elias on December 22. I started out just doing the sign for “milk”, so that I could get used to it and be consistent with it. A week or two after I started it I saw him opening and closing his hand right before I fed him similar to the sign for milk but I wrote it off, “surely this is too soon for him to be signing back!” i thought. But not too many days later he did sign the word “milk” and this time I was sure! He was on my lap already so it didn’t take much for me to figure out he was for sure wanting to eat, but it was still encouraging! This week on January 7th he really amazed me. I was changing his clothes (something that he sometimes hates, and other times does not mind) and he began fussing. I had fed him about an hour before this so it didn’t even enter my mind that he might be hungry, I just figured he was annoyed at me for changing his shirt that was covered in spit up, and wanting to be held. Then I saw his hands… they were very clearly making the sign for milk and he was giving me this look. He KNEW what he was doing I could tell. I was so excited! I wasn’t in the room/chair that I usually nurse him in, but I wanted to be sure and show him that I understood, and reinforce the sign so I picked him up (his shirt only half way buttoned) and started getting ready to nurse him. he immediately stopped fussing, he knew I had gotten the message! I was able to carry him into the other room and sit in our normal place to nurse.
It was truly incredible. The first time I was able to really understand what my son was trying to tell me. and that’s a wonderful feeling <3

 

He is still not signing every time, but that is normal. I am trying to keep with it consistently, though I have forgotten a couple of times since friday because I got lazy when he seemed to “get it”. BAD IDEA as I have not seen him doing again (maybe once, but I’m not positive about that one…). So consistancy on my side is definately key to make this work. But regardless I’m so proud of my little boy! Just past 2 months and already we are able to communicate slightly!

I am now also trying to add in our next sign “change” for when he needs his diaper changed. Wondering how long it will take him to learn this one…

 

November 2, 2010

The day that changed my life forever. It was so hard, the wort pain possible for hours and then it got worse and more intense for about 15 minutes as he made his exit. Such agony and pain but with almost immediate results. One time in life when you go through something hard and almost immediately get to see the benefit of it.

It’s such a neat picture of the journey of parenthood as well. There is much pain and sacrifice through the years on the parent’s side, but in the end the joy of seeing your baby grow up is so far beyond being worth it all.

My baby boy is just over 2 months old now. He is so big, loves being helped to stand up like a big boy, and is starting to sign some. it is incredible how much he has grown. Things that used to scare him like baths and diaper changes he is much more at ease with. It melts my heart when I give him his bath because I can tell he still doesn’t like it and sometimes it looks like he is about to cry but he just stares at my face, and I keep telling him it will be ok, and I can see the trust he has for me. It is so beautiful.

Today was a difficult one, we had 6 LONG screaming-crying fits because of tiredness. But now my little baby is sleeping and I am reminded what a precious gift he is. Even on the hard days he still melts my heart and I can hardly believe he is mine. I am so thankful to have been entrusted with him.

Love him more everyday

my sweet sweet baby boy

baby sign language

I have decided to do baby sign language with Elias. His hearing is completely fine, but signing with hearing children actually has lots of short and long term benefits for babies. you use normal ASL signs and incorporate them into baby’s daily life, this is done because babies can learn to sign before they can learn to speak. Of course you speak while you are signing, so the baby learns both, he will start out signing and will eventually do both together until he drops the signing for speaking. (they do this whenever they can speak well enough for it to be more efficient to speak than to sign.)

Babies can usually start signing when they are 6 months old. some people don’t start until the baby is 6 months or older, but since some babies can catch on and start signing as early as 3 or 4 months old (and it will probably take awhile for me to sign consistently with him) I am starting with Elias now, just before he turns 2 months. It may be 4 months before we see any results, but it could be much less…we’ll see!

Here are the main reasons I’m doing it.

1. He can communicate his needs to us before he can verbalize them. This alone is wonderful for many reasons, and for me reason enough to do it! this was the only reason I knew when I decided to do it with Elias, but as I have read more about it, there are so many more reasons to want to.

Any one with baby experience knows that there are those times when baby will scream and cry and you have NO IDEA why. This can be so sad for both mommy and baby, but imagine if baby could sign to you specifically why they are crying; if they are in pain, or if they are scared of something, or even hungry. This can also help lessen the need to cry because the baby can just look at you and sign milk instead of screaming until you figure out that he wanted to be nursed.

2. Something I didn’t know is how much it is proven to increase the baby’s vocabulary. By the time baby is 2 they have on average 50 more spoken words in their vocab than non signing babies, and many more signed words that they can’t pronounce yet. Signing helps them learn to speak, because they are learning words through 3 of their senses instead of just hearing the word they are also seeing the word signed and signing (touch) the word themselves. This makes a huge network dealing with language in their brains, which can help them learn languages in the future. Which is good for Elias because I’m teaching him Tagalog and English now, and we are planning to have Alex teach him Greek as soon as he can read and write in English and Tagalog.

3. It makes them smarter! For many reasons, not only all those pathways it creates in their little brains, but also because they are able to ask questions about things they wonder about, before they can speak their curiosity. (imagine having to wait 2 years before getting an answer to something you wonder about!)This gives mommy and daddy the opportunity to teach them while they are so tiny, and their brains are absorbing everything like a sponge. Tests showed that kids that signed as babies have on average an IQ 12 points higher than those that did not. (tests were do with 140 families randomly assigned to be signing or nonsigning)

4. its easy – you just incorporate the signs into your normal talking to baby, and he will catch on!

These are the main reasons I decided to sign with Elias.

Some people wonder if it will make baby speak later, and therefore not be as beneficial as it seems. But it is proven to actually HELP them learn to speak, and encourage them because mommy and daddy can understand what they are trying to say even when they can’t pronounce everything quite right. As soon as they learn to speak without using signs to clarify what they mean, they will drop the signs and just speak, since it is more efficient to speak then to sign. But it is so useful when they are learning to talk but you can’t quite understand them yet, instead of frustration on both sides, baby can speak and sign and tell you EXACTLY what he means!

I am planning to find some sort of ASL classes to put him in when he is old enough, so he does not lose the skill, once he can speak, there is no sense in wasting that knowledge, and he may as well learn more while we’re at it.

The book I’m reading suggests that you start with somewhere around 10 signs first, and then add more as you get used to signing those all the time because it is important that you are consistent and sign the words every time it is appropriate to contextually or baby will just assume they are random gestures.

The words I have chosen to start with are:

change

diaper

milk

more

paci

bath

dog

grandma

outside

daddy

I picked these because they are words that will help him to let us know what he needs or wants. Or they are things he sees and interacts with a lot right now. As he grows up I’m sure we will quickly be adding words like “stop”, “no”, “down” and “quiet” but I think these are the best starter words because they are things he loves and that will help him to catch on faster.

Im sure I will be writing a lot more about our signing journey, though it may be a few months before we start seeing any response from Eli, it will be worth the seemingly fruitless effort at first! I’m so excited to see how this works out!



the book i’m reading about it right now is called “baby sign language basics” by monta Z briant

bad day?

So yesterday a friend asked (via facebook status) what the worst part of every one’s day was. I saw this question at around 2 or 3 in the morning while I was up with Elias, and he was not being successful at going back to sleep. I was tired and annoyed because he had had the hiccups for an hour, and then just couldn’t get to sleep after for quite some time, meaning I also was being robbed of precious sleeping time. so as I was pondering his question, I decided that I was then experiencing the worst part of my day! I was so tired and I knew that alex had to work for most of the day the next day so I would not be able to have him watch the baby while I napped, so I might have a very long night and then a long day ahead of me!!! But as I thought about this idea that this was the worst part of my day I was amazed at how much God has blessed me with. Yes, it is unpleasant not to be able to sleep and rest when I want to,  but I also look down at the little one causing all the ruckus and I see that he is healthy, alert, alive and well and I see how blessed I am. how can I complain about a few hours missed sleep when God has blessed me so abundantly with this little baby who is beautiful and loving and healthy and content. There is much in my life that has gone wrong in the past, much that I wish never would have happened the way that it did, but I can still smile and see how blessed I am even through the crazy things that I have been through, God has kept me the entire time, and that is truly awesome. So I am actually planning on often asking myself what the worst part of my day was, especially when I am feeling upset, because then it is much clearer to me how blessed I am, even in the middle of sad or difficult times. It is an interesting new perspective for me, not hiding from the hard things, but seeing the good in them and the blessings of God through them.

 

dad – written November 18, 2010

So today makes 6 years since dad died, and I still can’t make it through this day without crying… maybe one of these years I will do it, but today is not that year. I love how Filipinos “celebrate” the death anniversary of loved ones every year. Instead of a day of mourning the whole family will get together and have a feast in honor of the person who has passed. It is a respectfully happy time as every one remembers the person’s life, and celebrates it together, sharing memories, hugs and love. I really really love this cultural tradition of theirs because they acknowledge the day, and really spend time honoring the person, instead of just crying for their loss (though privately, I’m sure there is much of that too). So Alex and I started our own little tradition for this day every year (starting this year) we are buying a new board game to play together as a family, in honor of my dad. He loved board games, and when I was younger we had “family game nights” every so often, and those are really special memories for me. It is neat too because since my family always gave gifts at thanksgiving instead of Christmas, I missed that part of the holiday, even though I don’t want to continue that tradition with my own family I wanted a way to remember and celebrate like we did with my dad when I was younger, so 1 family gift the week before thanksgiving is how we decided to do it, and I love it! ☺

Since Alex never met my dad he was asking me all sorts of questions about him last night, It was really nice to think through and answer them and remember him. . .

Favorite memories – I love that he could make the dorkiest thing “cool” in our eyes. I remember a time when I was pretty youngish still (8ish?) and the whole family was going grocery shopping together. Dad got a produce bag, and put it on his head, the air was trapped inside so it stuck straight up from his head. This immediately became the cool thing to do, so my sister and I followed his lead, feeling like we were the coolest people in the store, and looking down on all the poor uncool people who were giving us funny looks

I also remember this loud obnoxious song he would sing when my mom would walk into a room (always done in public places). He would throw his arms up and sing rather loudly “Oh love of life at last I’ve found you!” this would always embarrass my mom, but I always thought it was SO sweet.

Alex asked me a cool question which was – what advice would he give you right now if he could? after thinking about it I decided he would probably say to “be happy”. For many reasons of course the running joke in our house was “if mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” so that would be the first reason why. But seriously I think he would want me to be happy, because I have been having such a hard time being truly happy lately, and I know that would bother him. He would probably have some words of wisdom as to how to go about it, but the short sweet version would be to just look on the bright side and be happy.

what was the most important thing to him that he pass on to you? I think he would have said that it would be to read the Bible and pray every day. though I have been falling short in this area lately, it was something he believed strongly in, and wanted to pass it along to us.

I miss him so much, but I can look back on the time that I did have with him with joy. I am thankful for the 14 years that he was physically in my life. though he passed on to me some things that were not good, I’m grateful to have had him as my dad, and I know he tried to be the best possible father that he could be.

Gao Zhisheng

Christian human rights attorney Gao Zhisheng was seized by a dozen police officers and last seen in public on February 4, 2009. Gao Zhisheng has been repeatedly kidnapped, arrested, imprisoned and tortured by Chinese authorities for defending the persecuted. He has been an unyielding voice for justice in the Chinese courts and was even nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 2008.

see a video reinactment of what is going on, the script for this video is from something that Gao wrote to raise awareness to what is being done to Christians over there, his writing has cost him greatly, as he is still missing, and still being tortured, he knew it would happen, but chose to speak out any way on behalf of those being tortured who cannot speak out for themselves. On behalf of our brothers and sisters in China. please be in prayer for Gao, and for those who are torturing him that they might come to know Christ.

There is much we can all do to help…
visit www.freegao.com
to get involved.
you can sign the petition, and ChinaAid will take the petition to the Chinese government to ask them to free Gao.

There is also information on that website about how to contact your US representative and ask him/her to support Gao.

Let’s hold up our brother in prayers, and in action!

-paula

Boot camp part 2 – what I learned

For a long time I have been afraid of God, knowing that He had allowed or ordained every bad and painful thing in my life, I could say with my mouth that God was always there with me, but in my heart I really wondered if that was a good thing or not…

This weekend at boot camp the Pastors and interns worked us really hard. They hurt us so much making us do more than we felt was physically possible or good. But they made us keep going through the pain and even tears. Things that are normally easy now cause pain (such as walking, sitting, standing, laughing etc.). And our “loving” leaders did this on purpose. It may seem that they are not very loving because of this, but because of it I can see this aspect of God more clearly. That just like they put us through so much pain so that we could learn teamwork and learn to trust each other and so that all of the beautiful relationships and lessons could be accomplished. God also ordains suffering, ordains and allows pain in our lives for various reasons one of which being to teach us wonderful lessons and change our lives forever. God does put us through things, but it is truly an action of love. Just like our pastors and interns put us through so much pain, and it was out of love because they knew in the end that it would give us invaluable lessons and invaluable relationships while equipping us for the year ahead. They were imitating this aspect of God’s love for us, and it was through them that I was able to really start to understand it.

They also, like God, put no more on us than we could bear. Though it felt like we were breaking, we just got stronger, but when I was truly at the point when I couldn’t take it any more, Ty and Pastor Archie stepped up and ran for me. Just as God doesn’t put us through more than we are able to take, He may push us to the point where we feel like we can’t take anymore, but He will provide a way of escape. He will run for us. He went to the cross in my place, a far greater gift than running a lap, but one I can understand so much clearer now that He has shown it to me in this smaller way.

Boot camp has definitely changed my life. I see God and understand truths about Him more than I could before. God has used His people to reveal Himself to me. What a privilege and honor to be His child and to be chosen to reveal Him to people, to the world. Not just through preaching or clever saying but to legitimately show Christ to the world through one’s life. I have never understood what that meant as deeply as I do now. I can understand truths that I have always heard about God now more fully because of the actions of His children. The beauty of it! that God chooses to reveal Himself in us and through us. I pray that my life and love would show people the beauty of Christ as the lives and love of the people at boot camp showed it to me this weekend. I pray that God would continue using them in such ways.

At boot camp I was able by God’s grace to see that God has always been there in my life. At one point I cried out “I need you God” as scenes and emotions from my life replayed through my mind, and then I wept as I realized and finally understood that He had always been there, that He had constantly been at my side, that I had just been unaware. He opened my eyes a little so I could see Him moving in my life, even causing my hurt and my failures because He knew that they would lead me to Him. He let me hurt, even ordained the pain so that one day I could see His beauty more fully. What amazing love!!!

Intern Boot camp 2009

Last weekend I went to Hunstville State park with all the other interns from my church to go through a weekend of boot camp put on by our pastors, and the 2nd year interns. To put it lightly, it was an amazing weekend. I think that I can definitely say that it was one of the three most life changing/shaping experiences of my life so far (the other two being the day I got married and the day I “got saved”).

It was such a difficult weekend. I think I can honestly say that I have never been pushed so hard physically. The very first night I had to stop in the middle of doing push ups, and because I stopped some one else had to do mine for me. That in itself was very humbling and I think it sort of set me up for the rest of the weekend. See I am usually the one helping other people. I like helping them, it makes me feel good and such. But I am definitely not used to being the weaker person in a group and having to quit while some one else has to do twice the work in my place. It was so humbling to have to sit out and not only admit my own weakness but also watch and encourage my team as they were stronger than me, and as they were strong FOR me. That broke me down the very first night. It was awesome though.

Friday evening Pastor Kort lead a session about the difference between religion and the Gospel. It was a really wonderful word, but the one part that really stuck out to me that night was when he said that “freedom in Christ is knowing that you are not bound to earn your own righteousness anymore.” I had honestly wondered for a long time what the true meaning of “freedom in Christ” was. I had heard many people attempt definitions but I never really agreed with any of their interpretations of that verse. So it helped me a lot to hear it put that way.

Another thing that I thought was really beautiful about boot camp was that no one ever talked about having to work hard to please God or earn His favor. Pastor Kort actually spoke against it the first night. But it was really wonderful because then when the teams were all out doing things that are really hard physically we all kept going out of love rather than out of a feeling of obligation or duty. We kept working out of love for our teammates because we knew that they would have to do twice as much if we quit, or some people even did extra work not motivated by pride but rather motivated of love for their teammates who were weaker at the team and just couldn’t keep going. The Antioch guys ran when I couldn’t and even Ty and Pastor Archie ran for me at different times when I was too weak to go on. Even during general exercises (leg lifts) there was a point when I couldn’t keep my legs in the air any longer and Rebecca did it for me.

I saw Christ in my teammates and leaders as they suffered and worked on behalf of me and others, bearing our weight in their own bodies and lifting the burdens of our shoulders physically. The beauty of it is that it didn’t stop with the physical side of things but it also went deeper to emotionally lifting one another up, encouraging one another and also spiritually as when one had a problem we all surrounded them and prayed for them. There were so many times when we would all hold hands or huddle together arms on each others backs praying for one another. Relationships were built that are not just surface level but that go so much deeper than that, down to the very heart of who we all are, and who we want to be.

We all saw how much stronger and better we are when we are a team, each picking up each other’s slack and encouraging one another. I was the smallest and weakest person on my team, but even through that they didn’t leave me behind or resent me for it. The guys encouraged me so much, even when they could hardly breath themselves, they would make sure I was doing ok, or shout out encouraging words to me. Sometimes they literally had to push me up the hill or down the last stretch of a run so that I could keep running, but they didn’t leave me. They were there when I needed them. We all (Antioch, Frontline and Advance) acted like family, loving each other and making sacrifices for each other, believing in each other and lifting one another up through encouragement and through prayers. Bonds were made in our hearts knitting us together as a family.

While we were there, no one could pretend to be strong any more, but we were all very weak. All of us were at an ultimate low point physically and in that vulnerable position we saw our teammates lifting us up and praying for us, helping us. Where some were weak, others were weaker still and we kept on going together. We saw how every part of the team was necessary and essential. We couldn’t go on without one another. We needed the team, we needed the body it was evident that we couldn’t do it without them. It was a wonderful lesson, and I am so thankful for the team of interns that God has put into place. I pray that He keeps us closely knit together as one, each humbly serving the other.

We were so vulnerable in front of and to each other not just physically, but also (Sat. night) emotionally as we all shared our testimony and the current sins that we are struggling with. We opened ourselves up completely destroying our pride as well as destroying the image of ourselves that we had created and tried to maintain so that no one would know the deeper heart issues that we have. It was scary, and for most it was a new level of vulnerability. But it was wonderful. After it was done we all prayed together again before we were dismissed from the session. After the session some one came up to me, looked me in the eye and said something encouraging to me. It meant so much to me because I had just shared my heart with all of them and I was so scared of being rejected now that they all knew who “I really am” and what I have gone through and what I struggle with. I have kept it all hidden for so long because I was scared to be vulnerable, scared that I would be rejected as a person, and also as a minister in training if I was. But instead of rejection I was met with open arms, more sincerely than ever before. They could have hurt me so much now that they knew, but instead they loved me all the more legitimately. And I them.

It was amazing to hear some of their stories and through it be able to understand every one better. It really helped to change the way that I see people in general, to stop worrying and judging people for small things that I can see are wrong but to instead reach for their heart and pray that God does a work to bring healing to the deeper issues. Just thinking about and seeing that every one has a story and a struggle and we should be there to help each other through it in Christ, not condemning each other for hurting or struggling with something, no matter who they may be. We are all still in the process, some are at different levels in different areas of their lives, but God is able to use any one that He chooses to bring glory to His name. This was such a beautiful and wonderful thing to see and take part in. Sanctification is a process, I shouldn’t be angry at people who are struggling with a seemingly large sin, when I consider it ok that another pastor or intern struggled with the same thing, a few years ago. Every one is put through a process, we should be encouraging them along the way, just like we did the ones that were physically weak during the running and exercises, we should carry them along and encourage them with the gospel as we shouted encouragement to our physically weaker brothers and sisters. We should lift up our brothers and sisters in prayer and with the Word.

So this is part 1 of what I learned from boot camp. I am so thankful to God for the interns, pastors, students etc. that I will be spending the next stage(s) of my life with.

I love you guys, thanks for an incredible weekend, and an incredible year to come!

thoughts… to watch, read and think and pray about

Prosperity gospel – John Piper… watch it.

Sin has no power over you… unless you love it – Pastor Joey.

Think about it.

1 Corinthians 10
idolatry… think about it

Beautiful kids, beautiful beggars & learning to trust God with “my kids”

This writing was something in my heart after a really refreshing conversation with some one who had also just gotten back from the Philippines. It was so nice to get to talk about there again… to get to imagine it all, picture the beauty, the culture the way of life, the wonderful people, both my friends and the random people on the streets. And honestly,

I miss them.
The beautiful kids. The beautiful beggars. Yes I said beggars. It is a part of life in the Philippines. The kids may chase you, they hunt you down, they are covered with dirt, and don’t have any manners at all. But they are beautiful. These children have captured my heart. Even though I don’t know them (the beggars), I feel somehow that I do. I do because the girls that I lived with, the ones that to this day call me “Mommy Pau” the ones that I helped raise by the grace and power of the Lord Jesus… those two sweet daughters of mine, they used to be just like them. I cannot look at the beggar kids, and just see rude smelly children. My heart does not allow it. I see kids that need the Lord, kids that need hope, kids that need love, kids that need a meal. I can’t help imagining how desperate they are for food, when that is all they have. I could get cranky with having to skip a few meals, when really, food isn’t all that important, I mean with or without food, I have a life filled with blessings. I have a wonderful husband that loves me, great friends, and more than anything Jesus is holding me… and even with all these things, I can feel cheated if I get less than 2 meals in a day. Yet these children live every day without the love of a parent, without the love of friends or family, (not without family, just oftentimes without the love). And we expect them to live without a meal as well? We can’t… These kids aren’t taught to survive on their own. They are just made to. They are sent out into the world, with or without training or advice, and expected to make an end for themselves, or to die. Those are the options they are given by the situations in which they are born. I want to go help every single one of them. I went to bend down in the dirt and play with them. Sit down in the flooded streets and embrace them and tell them of the unfailing love of Jesus. I want them to go to school, to be able to become, whatever they want to become. Not to be limited by society and poverty, but only to be limited by God’s perfect plan for their lives. (and to discover that His limitations only joyful freedom through following His will) I want those kids… I want to hug them and love them. I want to be down in the dirt with them, going to them where they are, and helping them out of it, raising them to know who Jesus really is….

Oh how I miss them. My kids, the ones I lived with… I miss them so much.

But the beauty of the matter is… what I am learning through this separation is…

I can do nothing. I cannot help them like I want to. Even though I may call them “my kids”, and even though at times (whenever I really let myself think about them), it feels like my heart is bleeding for them, for their well being, for them to truly know Jesus, and be saved… I have come to, no, Jesus has taken me to, the reality that I cannot Help them, and they are not “mine” as much as I would like to believe. They are God’s children. And He loves them far more than I ever could dream of, and it is His job to take care of them. If He chooses to give me a small role, if any role at all in helping these kids, then I am blessed. And right now, He has given me a small part in helping to provide for these kids’ monetary needs, the money that the kids in our “home” need for food, clothing, education etc. And what a privilege it is. I don’t get to cuddle with them anymore, I don’t get to pray with them when they are afraid, or run and laugh with them in the rain, I don’t get to teach them English and laugh with them as they try it. I don’t get to sing along with them wrong and misunderstood lyrics to songs. I don’t get to run at their beck and call to see the bug they caught or the flower they just picked. I don’t get to jump every time I walk around a corner because one of them leaped out in front of me to try to scare me. I don’t get to tell them Bible stories or be the one to plant seeds in their lives about the Lord. So it doesn’t feel like I am taking care of them any more, it feels like I have left them, like there is this huge separation between us, and like any parent I would worry restlessly about their well being, except, I know the One who holds their futures, and I know the One who is making sure that they are taken care of up to HIS expectations, not mine. And I know that He will do so much better than I ever could. . .

So, by His grace, I am able to take with joy the task set in front of me right now. However small or seemingly meaningless it may be, because I am now learning to serve Him. Not them. And more than ever He has my heart, and so it is being used for His glory, and the wonder of it is, they are reaping the benefits.

I love it. Only God could work it out this beautifully. Only He could envision such a plan to work all these things out for good, in my life, and in the lives of the kids, and do it so that He gets all the glory and honor.

I love Him… but He loves me more.

Praise be unto the King… forever and ever amen