For a long time I have been afraid of God, knowing that He had allowed or ordained every bad and painful thing in my life, I could say with my mouth that God was always there with me, but in my heart I really wondered if that was a good thing or not…
This weekend at boot camp the Pastors and interns worked us really hard. They hurt us so much making us do more than we felt was physically possible or good. But they made us keep going through the pain and even tears. Things that are normally easy now cause pain (such as walking, sitting, standing, laughing etc.). And our “loving” leaders did this on purpose. It may seem that they are not very loving because of this, but because of it I can see this aspect of God more clearly. That just like they put us through so much pain so that we could learn teamwork and learn to trust each other and so that all of the beautiful relationships and lessons could be accomplished. God also ordains suffering, ordains and allows pain in our lives for various reasons one of which being to teach us wonderful lessons and change our lives forever. God does put us through things, but it is truly an action of love. Just like our pastors and interns put us through so much pain, and it was out of love because they knew in the end that it would give us invaluable lessons and invaluable relationships while equipping us for the year ahead. They were imitating this aspect of God’s love for us, and it was through them that I was able to really start to understand it.
They also, like God, put no more on us than we could bear. Though it felt like we were breaking, we just got stronger, but when I was truly at the point when I couldn’t take it any more, Ty and Pastor Archie stepped up and ran for me. Just as God doesn’t put us through more than we are able to take, He may push us to the point where we feel like we can’t take anymore, but He will provide a way of escape. He will run for us. He went to the cross in my place, a far greater gift than running a lap, but one I can understand so much clearer now that He has shown it to me in this smaller way.
Boot camp has definitely changed my life. I see God and understand truths about Him more than I could before. God has used His people to reveal Himself to me. What a privilege and honor to be His child and to be chosen to reveal Him to people, to the world. Not just through preaching or clever saying but to legitimately show Christ to the world through one’s life. I have never understood what that meant as deeply as I do now. I can understand truths that I have always heard about God now more fully because of the actions of His children. The beauty of it! that God chooses to reveal Himself in us and through us. I pray that my life and love would show people the beauty of Christ as the lives and love of the people at boot camp showed it to me this weekend. I pray that God would continue using them in such ways.
At boot camp I was able by God’s grace to see that God has always been there in my life. At one point I cried out “I need you God” as scenes and emotions from my life replayed through my mind, and then I wept as I realized and finally understood that He had always been there, that He had constantly been at my side, that I had just been unaware. He opened my eyes a little so I could see Him moving in my life, even causing my hurt and my failures because He knew that they would lead me to Him. He let me hurt, even ordained the pain so that one day I could see His beauty more fully. What amazing love!!!
My head is full of a novel of comments. I don’t know if you want them on your blog, but I guess that’s what blogs are for….just maybe not for moms
But anyway…I too have had issues with God especially since Dad died. Not being afraid of God like you expressed, but not being able to trust Him. I have come to the conclusion that I was trying to trust Him for the wrong thing. I can’t trust Him that nothing bad will ever happen since we live in a sin filled world, but I can trust Him to always be there for me, like you said, and always take care of me and always love me.
And yes, He does put us through hard things to make us grow and be able to use us more effectively and let us understand Him more and love Him more — sort of a boot camp of His own. But, every bad thing that happens is nor ordained of Him. Remember Deut 23:5 that what the devil meant for evil God turned around for good because He loves you. All things do work together for our good because God loves us, but that doesn’t mean He brought all of those things. Sometimes we think that if it turned out good then it must have been from God, when really it was Him turning what the devil meant for evil and harm into good because He loves us.
I love you and any of the things that you struggle with that are because of me, I ask your forgiveness and thank you for it. You would think that since you are not in a foreign country anymore right now that you would not be able to make me cry in libraries any more
I love you and am so blessed that you are my daughter. Thanks for everything!!!
It sounds like you had an amazing time! I always learn more when the lesson is “acted out” or in a parable like you were saying how the others were sacrificing for you making you think of Jesus sacrifice for us. It is just mind boggling when you try to think of all that He did for us and still does for us. And how patient He is when we are at times so ignorant and petty. What an awesome God!!!!!
Okay, I told you I had a novel of comments in my head. I will stop now.